Bad days, good days

On Tuesday we took the children tubing on the Itchetuchnee (sp) River with our family group from church. The river is three miles long and beautiful. It takes about two hours to get to the end. Jaden didn't like it. :O( She spent half the time crying in my raft...wanting to sleep but couldn't since she struggles to sleep anywhere except her bed. She tried to jump out several times...and threw her sippy cup overboard when there wasn't anything left in it. She *tried* to throw a shoe in but I caught her just in time. I suppose I should have known she wouldn't be too interested in a river ride, but I keep trying...I don't want to leave her home everytime we go somewhere! After the ride, we had a picnic lunch together and Jaden decided sitting in her stroller quietly was really nice :O) and then she slept the whole way home, so the day ended nicely.
Today Jaden's speech therapist said she was very surprised by Jaden's abilities this week! She said that Jaden does many things that she doesn't see other autistic children capable of....and that when Jaden got frustrated with something, she cried out "Dadddeeee!" I told her that Jaden actually started that a day or two ago--whenever she couldn't do something on her own or one of us had to go retrieve her from trouble and she would get so frustrated--she would cry out for her Daddy. Isn't that sweet? (He *does* spoil her somewhat ;O))
It has been nearly a year since we figured out that Jaden is autistic. Things are better--more acceptance...but harder--no more denial allowed....At the beginning, for me, there was no other answer than JadenGrace was going to get well. There was no other option. Now, I still ask Father to heal her completely, quickly. I ask him to give her a voice--that she can use it to love others and tell them about Jesus. But I think I will be ok if he chooses to heal her not on this earth, but in heaven. I know that his love is so unconditional and that he sees her differently than this world does. He thinks she is perfect just the way she is. :O) It is I with the problem. But he is merciful, too. And so kind. And so I continue to ask. I will ask until the day I go to heaven. But I will be ok if he says 'no, not yet'. The closeness I have with him now is so precious, and I often wonder if that would have happened had we not had to face autism. He says that he uses all things for the good of those who love him...and I do love him. And trust him. And believe him.