It's been a while

I suppose I get in the habit of only sharing the good news. I don't want there to be any bad news to share. I want Jaden to make great progress daily, even if it takes years, and then be a typical little girl. It sounds like I am asking and hoping and praying for too much. And yet, I talk with women every day whose children are very typical. Autism is not curable but it is treatable. These children are so much like other children that only a trained eye can spot their disability.
Nothing great has been happening. Jaden is overall happy, but she has started to make her noises again, and at times screaming and screeching. This time around, we tell her 'no!' when she screams. She seems to know when we are upset with her behavior. I suppose that is a small praise. I may have an autistic child but I don't want an undisciplined one! ;O)
She has been laughing alot, too. But not appropriately. She pays no attention to us when we try to make her laugh. That is especially tough for the older children and they start to give up after a while. She spends her days looking up and laughing. Or lying on the floor and arching her head way back to look behind her and laugh. We used to comfort one another by saying that she can see Jesus and he is playing with her. But some days that is not a comfort anymore. Some days it is incredibly painful to watch her. Today Reggie moved her and told her she wasn't allowed to do that anymore. He asked that we not allow her to do it, that we stop her and encourage her to do something different. Sometimes that works. Sometimes she goes right back to doing it. It is so painful to me to see Reg like this. He tries so hard to be strong but he can't handle watching this. He is very mad at me, too, for desiring a baby in the first place. I often wonder how our marriage will survive without the miracles of our Lord.
I am sorry tonight was depressing. I have the hope of the Lord for which I am grateful. He promises that though we walk 'through the fire, we will not be comsumed by it' ...but some days it feels so hot in here.