Slacker Mama

Well, I have not kept up on this blog mostly due to getting to a place of wondering if God is really going to do it. Heal my girl. He has told me repeatedly that He will. He has reassured me so many times I can't count them. And yet, because it isn't happening on my timetable, I let the weariness of caring for her overwhelm me, making me anxious and afraid that our lives will be this difficult forever.
God's grace is amazing. I don't mean God's Grace, Jaden, (though she is amazing, too)but God's grace--His unmerited favor. He gives me favor so often, even (and sometimes especially, which is why it's so amazing) when I act like a pouty, spoiled, ungrateful child. Today He did it again--reassured me that redemption draweth nigh! I was doing my bible study homework--we are learning about the Patriarch's--Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. It hasn't kept my interest like past studies written by Beth Moore. I find it difficult to learn things and keep at it until the end. I was feeling disappointed in myself that I couldn't get the excitement going over this study that came so naturally with the others. I had to do the homework, though, as I am leading this ladies study group. If the leader doesn't do her work, who will? So I dutifully sat down in my chair by the back door and soaked up some rays while I opened my Bible and workbook. I kept at it, never once thinking that God would speak to my heart. We so often think God works according to how we feel (or behave or think) that I never thought He would speak to me, since my attitude and thoughts were so far from where they 'needed to be' for an encounter with Him. Then I got to this passage written by Beth and tears flowed down my cheeks as I realized how big His grace is:
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Many times when He told me through His word and prayer to believe Him for something very specific, over time the outlook on the matter dwindled from good to slim to utterly impossible before He brought it to pass.
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I think I am at 'slim' right now. Close to Him bringing it to pass! \o/