store and church no-go

Yesterday Morgan and Lance wanted to go to WalMart for a few things. I got Jaden ready even though I didn't want to. I had a feeling it wasn't going to end well. It has been so long since she had struggles in a store that I was shocked by the feelings that came over me as she whined and made noise and wanted in the front of the cart, in the back of the cart, to walk, to see this, to see that, to complain about the lights and the noise.
I suppose all of that just sounds like an undisciplined child. And since I always stuck my nose up at families with undisciplined children in the past I wonder (just for a moment because I know my God and He doesn't do that) if God gave me a difficult child that I might be able to empathise with other parents instead of judging them.
I know that 'empathise' is not spelled right but no matter how I try to recall the correct spelling right now, it's just not happening.
So, on the way home, I said something I thought I would never have to say again. "I can never take Jaden to the store again"
Today, we went to church. We stay for two services because I keep the babies in the nursery at one of them. I couldn't believe it (but greatly anticipated) when I arrived to visit with Jaden in between services and asked how she did--our wonderful PreK teacher said, "Not so well. I had to ask Jaden to get down from the sofa 13 times"
I apologized and all the old feelings came back: with Jesus as my whole life, and my brothers and sisters in Christ so precious and important to me and my faith, how in the world was I going to be able to stay home from church?
I left Jaden and warned the new teacher that she was struggling and to call me if she needed me. I again could not believe it when her number was placed on the screen behind Pastors head as he excitedly told us of the miracles that had taken place in Pakistan as he ministered there. The number that beckoned me to come--to be reminded once again that this awful disorder is trying to take over our lives, and every ounce of strength we have left. I got to the classroom to find out that Jaden was refusing to go out to the playground with all the other children. She was alone in the classroom with the teacher, and when she saw me, she said, "thank you, Mommy, for taking me home"