Downer

Most days I am able to be joyful and hopeful no matter how exhausted I am, and no matter what huge things crop up in my wonderful family. But every once in a while, I just have a 'down' day. I wonder how long I can go on, how many more days I can watch my girl act strange or race through the house moaning, or constantly moving. How many more months I can make the finances work? How much more stress our marriage can take? How to get one girl back home and in college and one girl dual-enrolled in college and high school, (while keeping her out of trouble!) and one son enough curriculum for this coming year and keep him going at guitar lessons and the gym (while warning him of the dangers of 'just one beer'). And of course, everything that comes with Jaden's needs: diet(s), supplements, medicines, therapies, fighting to get her every single 'extra' service available, teaching her, training her, summer school, three hour trips to DAN doc, phone appts.
I always, always get down on 'hormonal' days. I know it will be better in a few days but that doesn't help the feelings. I hate to have no hope because to have no hope disparages God's goodness. He is my source of hope and he is good at what He does! Me feeling the way I do casts doubt on the truth of who He is. A faithful God who is always with me, who doesn't waste any of my pain or tears and catches each one that falls, who is faithful to what He says He will do, and has done....who uses me in spite of myself...who comes to me when I call...who provides for my every need...who will promptly take me to heaven when my time on this earth is up...and give me a forever home, where there are no tears, no pain, no endings, no sin, no autism or ADD or learning disabilities or sensory integration disorder or addiction or selfishness or....
Oh, GOD of heaven and earth--you are my faithful GOD! YOU are the reason I can do anything and everything. YOU are the reason I live and move and have my being. Thank you, Gracias, how grateful my heart is for your love! Lift me up out of the mud and mire and set my feet upon the rock--once again--and give me a firm place to stand! Put a new song in my mouth--a hymn of praise to my God! I pray that many will see and fear and put thier trust in YOU! Amen!